The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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