She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
