You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
