Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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