i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
birth control should be required to get into college
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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