i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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