he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
