Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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