I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
