God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
40s are totally the cure
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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