I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Four minutes until I can fart!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
