Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
