We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
