too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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