Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
