just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
