I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
