just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
