Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
