I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
