there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
