Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
