Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
