I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
