I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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