if you like me you must not know who I am
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
