Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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