I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
