Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
