Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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