she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
