I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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