you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
