you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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