don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
