you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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