New invention idea: vibrating tampons
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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