Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
