This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
