I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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