Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
