New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize