You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
