I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
