vagina is talking i cant
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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