I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The Olympian is in my bed
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