So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
third nipple confirmed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
