WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
