dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
