The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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