Umm I'm too high to move.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
