What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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