take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
