yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dear god my vagina.
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