i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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