I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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