Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
