I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
