Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
