Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
