I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
