I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
