DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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