Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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