Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
