She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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