My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
