Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!

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  (810): Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now! http://tfl.nu/8f67
  Replies (1) Good night (995) Bad night (1139)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.

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  (360): So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor. http://tfl.nu/jcpz
  Replies (9) Good night (3533) Bad night (620)
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  (914): View more from New York

  when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"

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  (914): when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing" http://tfl.nu/damz
  Replies (27) Good night (852) Bad night (3992)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.

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  (814): It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice. http://tfl.nu/t4ih
  Replies (7) Good night (736) Bad night (5112)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.

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  (775): I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question. http://tfl.nu/abym
  Replies (7) Good night (2922) Bad night (1132)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.

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  (386): Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line. http://tfl.nu/hznj
  Replies (10) Good night (878) Bad night (1698)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.

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  (407): Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore. http://tfl.nu/4mr1
  Replies (23) Good night (2409) Bad night (1047)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test

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  (910): I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test http://tfl.nu/ucs5
  Replies (4) Good night (2061) Bad night (620)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else

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  (516): The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else http://tfl.nu/g6mk
  Replies (9) Good night (1308) Bad night (1010)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.

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  (541): He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans (503): Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants. http://tfl.nu/h1iw
  Replies (7) Good night (1493) Bad night (490)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.

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  (907): Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor. http://tfl.nu/kb13
  Replies (5) Good night (739) Bad night (575)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  The family next to you was not pleased

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  (919): I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box. (1-919): The family next to you was not pleased http://tfl.nu/vcup
  Replies (8) Good night (457) Bad night (674)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  How high are you?

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  (405): All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes. (1-405): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/bptv
  Replies (4) Good night (677) Bad night (304)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her

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  (902): I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her http://tfl.nu/dzic
  Replies (6) Good night (829) Bad night (511)
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  (831): View more from California

  Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.

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  (831): Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water. http://tfl.nu/ebf4
  Replies (0) Good night (457) Bad night (311)

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