i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again