Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

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  (540): is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO? http://tfl.nu/qgse
  Replies (3) Good night (913) Bad night (513)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.

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  (864): you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack. http://tfl.nu/rq5j
  Replies (40) Good night (661) Bad night (4767)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.

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  (902): The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling. http://tfl.nu/4suj
  Replies (6) Good night (675) Bad night (3571)
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  (916): View more from California

  OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads

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  (916): OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads http://tfl.nu/e0lk
  Replies (8) Good night (3272) Bad night (503)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

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  (630): Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face http://tfl.nu/tdg0
  Replies (28) Good night (3115) Bad night (1081)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night

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  (732): so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night http://tfl.nu/ig0k
  Replies (12) Good night (730) Bad night (4015)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.

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  (513): What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore. http://tfl.nu/f43s
  Replies (11) Good night (1944) Bad night (4188)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.

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  (901): i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation. http://tfl.nu/cktw
  Replies (5) Good night (1373) Bad night (2542)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.

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  (613): You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best. http://tfl.nu/snhs
  Replies (5) Good night (2803) Bad night (1728)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?

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  (+44): I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions? http://tfl.nu/vtab
  Replies (7) Good night (2652) Bad night (983)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't. I will literally throw up my liver

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.

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  (610): I can't. I will literally throw up my liver (484): Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume. http://tfl.nu/eh54
  Replies (2) Good night (1733) Bad night (743)
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  (530): View more from California

  TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.

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  (530): TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG. http://tfl.nu/gtt9
  Replies (6) Good night (2614) Bad night (910)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.

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  (608): I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/60pl
  Replies (5) Good night (712) Bad night (2393)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits

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  (719): I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits http://tfl.nu/6x3w
  Replies (17) Good night (1528) Bad night (707)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?

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  (610): How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too? http://tfl.nu/27f3
  Replies (2) Good night (246) Bad night (457)

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