Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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