she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Houston, we have a squirter
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird