I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
