i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
