The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
