I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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